March 13, 2014

The Right Choice

Dear M,

There was this "big, fat" ad in the newspaper today - in large font, caps, on the front page, no less. It said, "Fortune favours those who make the right choices." And I wondered what the right choices are. How would one know he is making the right choices?

I don't know if I am. I don't know if I ever have.

I seem to have been running from pillar to post, as they say. For each of the pathways that I took, there were many, many others that I ignored. There were some others that I tried to follow but abandoned after a while. I do not know which of my actions were right and which were the mistakes. I do not know if I had pursued something else, would I have wound up somewhere else? Did some other trail lead to a miracle? Do I want a miracle?

But there is one thing I know for sure - being a writer was a right choice. There was a definite turn in the road. There was a crossroads. There was a choice. And I had taken it, fully conscious of what I was doing.

Wherever I am now, whatever I am or not, whether people would term my life meaningful or not, successful or not, I know for a certainty that being a writer was a right choice.

I have never, even for a moment, felt that this was not for me. I have been saddened when I did not get what I wanted, I have been miserable when my attempts failed, I have been mad with rage when I was rejected multiple times, but not for one moment did I regret this choice. I am on the right track. I do not know where I am going, what I will find. But this journey, this struggle, this madness, this despair, this momentary satisfaction of writing something I believe in, that is my life, that is my success, that is... my destination. I am not going anywhere. I am there.


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